Our Rating Scales

Rating scales help inform quick decisions.

You’re up against the weekend and don’t know where to go for Friday date night? Don’t know what to drink? Grab a 3 or better. We won’t lead you astray. Just remember, at the end of the day, everything is subjective.

Here’s how we rate our eateries and wines:

FOOD: 1 to 5

5 = Skill or witchcraft elevates this higher than most of its kind.

4 = Something extra makes this better than average.

3 = Solid example; would eat again.

2 = It’ll make a turd.

1 = May induce vomiting.

Wine: 1 to 5

5 = Skill or witchcraft elevates this higher than most of its kind.

4 = Something extra makes this better than average.

3 = Solid example; would drink again.

2 = It’s wet and there’s alcohol in it.

1 = May make you go blind.

What you should take away: 3 is good. 3 is solid. We hope most things we eat and drink are 3s. We’re delighted when they’re anything more.